


An Accidental Date

by lizaloveslevihan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comedy, Drunk karaoke, Established Relationship, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Jealousy, Light-Hearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28440657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizaloveslevihan/pseuds/lizaloveslevihan
Summary: When Hange is late to their night out, Levi and Moblit are forced to spend the entire evening together and are surprised to find that they have a lot more in common than what they had initially thought.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Hange Zoë
Comments: 22
Kudos: 95





	An Accidental Date

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fanmoose12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanmoose12/gifts).



> My levihan secret santa gift for the amazing @fanmoose12! Thank you for contributing so much to the entire levihan community! So many of us find solace in your work and your blog and I am personally grateful to you for all that you do in the name of levihan <3 You're also the reason why I had really gotten into the ship in the first place! Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy <3

It was a hip, rooftop bar that had recently opened up in their city around a month ago, which meant that _everyone_ wanted to get in. This was why it was fortunate that Moblit had gotten there a little earlier and managed to secure a spot in the line before it got _too_ long.

Hange had invited him yesterday, and a couple of others as well, so that she could formally introduce her new boyfriend, Levi what’s-his-name, whom she met a few weeks ago at a coffee shop. Moblit had already seen him pop up a couple of times in the lab they worked at where he often kept to himself and talked only to Hange. He had to admit — though he made Hange rather happy, he wasn’t looking forward to spending an evening with the man. There were rumors about how he was secretly part of a notorious gang in the city, and Moblit was afraid he’d wake up one day and hear about how his best friend’s body ended all chopped up in a ditch somewhere. Hange Zoe, as brilliant as she was, didn’t really need any more recklessness in her life. 

He looked up and noticed how he was quickly nearing the entrance. His phone conveniently rang with some notifications at the same time, and he pulled it out from his pocket, surprised to see the message, or rather, messages, that were left in their group chat. 

_“I’m sorry, something came up. I can’t make it!" — Nanaba_

_“Same :( I’ll try to see if I can still go later!” — Nifa_

_“Mike and I are still at work. Don’t know if we can catch up.” — Erwin_

Moblit sighed. He was disappointed, but really, what else could he do about it? His friends were busy people and were prone to dip on outings such as these. As far as he knew, he was only left with Hange and Levi as company. That didn’t seem _too_ bad. The night was still salvageable, especially if Hange was going to be there to talk endlessly. Though Moblit suddenly realized, it _did_ imply that he’d be the third wheel. _Damn it._

As long as the booze was good, he supposed, all should be well. 

He was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice how he was directly in front of the bouncer until they cleared their throat rather loudly. 

“Invite?” the man in front of him asked. He was on the younger side, but towered over Moblit by a couple of inches and had his large hand outstretched. He looked both wary and unimpressed, his piercing blue eyes giving Moblit a once-over. 

“Uhhh,” Moblit stammered. He started patting down his pockets, well aware of the fact that there was nothing in them but his phone, wallet, and keys. Did they need an invite? He just assumed that all you had to do was wait in line like in Disneyland. _None_ of his friends mentioned having to have an invite. 

“I don’t have one?” Moblit spoke nervously. He didn’t normally go out to places such as these, so he was totally out of the loop when it came to handling these sorts of things. Did he have to slap a twenty-dollar bill on his hand or something? Did he have to threaten anyone? Did he have to _lie?_ _Damn_ _it_ , what was he going to do now? Before he could even make a move, he heard someone call his name. 

“Berner?”

He turned and was startled to see none other than Levi whats-his-name. He wore a leather jacket on top of a gray sweater, black skinny jeans, and a pair of boots. He was raising an eyebrow at Moblit, clearly surprised to see him too. 

Moblit cleared his throat, making sure to remain eye contact with him. “Levi.”

Now that he finally got a clearer view of the man (since the only times he saw him were stolen glances every time he dragged Hange out of the lab and such), he was surprised to see that he was much shorter than what he had initially thought. He had to lower his head to be able to meet those steel, gray eyes. However, despite the height difference, Levi what’s-his-name still radiated an intense aura of intimidation. Moblit wasn’t scared of him — dealing with Hange every day and trying to prevent her from blowing herself up was much more _terrifying_ — but he couldn’t deny that there was just _something_ about those eyes that made him want to stay on his good side as much as possible. Levi didn’t seem like someone you wanted as an enemy. As if Moblit had any anyway.

The shorter man narrowed his eyes up at Moblit as if making sure it was really him. After a few seconds, he sighed and turned his gaze to the bouncer. “He’s with me, Reiner. Let him in.”

Reiner’s eyes widened and he immediately stepped away, “Of course, Mr. Ackerman.”

 _Ah, so that’s what his last name was,_ Moblit thought in surprise. He never really bothered with knowing it. To him, he was always either Levi, or shorty, or Mr. Grumps, or _whatever_ name Hange referred to him as. He figured it was safer if he’d stick with the first one. 

Moblit darted his eyes back and forth the two. He didn’t like what that little detail of “knowing the bouncer” implied. What if he really _was_ a gangster and he had all those connections in the underground? What if he posed a threat to Hange? What if he was involving her in some illegal activity in a move to exploit her knowledge—

“Tch,” Levi spoke, rolling his eyes. He started to make his way inside without looking back, “Aren’t you coming, Berner?” he called. 

Pulled out from his thoughts, Moblit darted off and quickly followed him. They went through a small receiving area before turning and going up a plight of stairs. As he stared at Levi’s back, he couldn’t help but wonder _exactly_ what Hange saw in him. He seemed cold and distant, someone who he couldn’t really see keeping up with her enthusiasm. But maybe that’s how it works. Opposites attract, after all. He did _seem_ to care for Hange — if he didn’t then he wouldn’t be picking her up every day after work and made sure she got home safely. A small part of Moblit wanted to get along with him, maybe get to know him better for her sake. Hange dated a few men and women who weren't really the best of people, only looking to mooch off of her and all that. Some of them didn’t even treat her right, their egos unable to handle the idea of dating a smart woman like Hange. Hopefully, his thoughts about Levi being this gangster were just the stress and wariness seeping back into his brain. 

Once they reached the top, Levi opened the door and allowed him to go first. Moblit nodded as he passed him, and his eyes widened once he finally got a good view of their vicinity. 

The first thing that demanded his attention was the _immaculate_ view of the city behind a glass wall that prevented anyone from falling to the concrete pavements down below. They were surrounded by a stretch of buildings and towers with lights that twinkled all around them. The place itself was buzzing with activity. There were _so_ many people, all dressed to the nines, lounging around the many sofa chairs, conversing by the wide, open bar, or even loitering around the small stage at the far corner that a couple of people were setting up for some sort of stand-up act. Jazz music blared through the speakers as glasses were clinked together and Moblit couldn't help but feel like this was the missing piece he was looking for in his life. Maybe drinking alone in his apartment while watching “Friends” wasn’t the _only_ option. 

He also couldn’t help but wonder _exactly_ how Levi knew the bouncer and how he had access to this _obviously_ exclusive place. If his gang theory was correct, then that would probably explain it. Hange didn’t really give him details about Levi’s personal life. 

Levi made his way to the very back and sat at a secluded sofa chair, right next to the glass wall. Moblit followed suit and sat on the empty chair right in front of him. He turned his head and leaned in to take a view of the busy streets and was surprised to see just how far up they were, considering how that plight of stairs wasn’t exactly long. 

“I’ll have the usual, Eren,” Levi suddenly spoke up, and Moblit turned back to look at a young brunette that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He wore a nervous expression along with a blue button-up and jeans and held up a pad paper and a pen. His shoulders were stiff as he quickly scribbled down Levi’s order before turning his attention to Moblit. 

Moblit hesitated for a couple of seconds, considering his options. He quickly glanced at Levi who gave him an expectant gaze before looking back at the young man, “Vodka,” he said, going with his favorite, “on the rocks, please.”

The Eren kid nodded and wrote down his order as well. But before he could leave, Levi suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him down to his level. Moblit noted the obvious discomfort and anxiety the young man was harboring as he gulped and listened to every word the midget said. 

"I did,” Eren nodded profusely, a drop of sweat making its way down his face as Levi pulled away, “She’s just talking to Mr. Kenny downstairs. I can go get her if you want—”

“No,” Levi said firmly, crossing his arms and leaning back on the chair. He stared at Eren, a threatening look plastered across his face, “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t doing any _funny_ business, Yeager. You understand?”

“Yes sir.” Eren laughed nervously as he scratched the back of his neck. He bowed his head and all but ran off. 

Moblit couldn’t help but narrow his eyes at him. Was that how he treated waiters? It seemed like he knew the kid, but still, it didn’t excuse how rude he was to him. A person’s character could always be deciphered by the way they treated waiters and waitresses or people who just generally worked in service. And by the looks of it, Levi didn’t have a good one. Moblit didn’t like that one bit. His previous thoughts of trying to get along with him were slowly exiting out of the door. 

“Where are the others?” Levi asked, looking at Moblit boredly. 

Moblit crossed his arms. “They couldn’t make it.”

“The _fuck_?” Levi spat, narrowing his eyes, “What do you mean they _couldn’t_ make it?”

“Everyone was busy. They all texted me in our group chat the moment I got to the front.” Moblit explained skeptically. The excitement he felt from coming to this new environment was slowly fading as he spent more time with Levi Ackerman. Sure, he didn’t want to be on his bad side, but the way he treated that waiter really rubbed him the wrong way. 

Levi’s face immediately turned sour. _“I fucking go through all this trouble and you’re telling me—”_

Before Levi could continue, his phone rang abruptly, cutting him off. He didn’t even check the caller ID before answering it and pressing it to his ear, “Where the fuck are you, shitty glasses?

Moblit’s eyes widened at the mention of Hange, and he carefully observed the way Levi listened to her. It was quiet for a bit as Hange rambled off an excuse, and Levi’s face turned even sourer. Moblit had a feeling of what her excuse was, and he mentally scolded himself for not dragging her with him when he left the lab. 

“The fuck?” Levi said annoyingly. He paused before glancing at Moblit, “Yeah, Berner is here. I can’t believe you. You dragged me into this damn mess and you and the rest of your friends aren’t showing up?” Moblit narrowed his eyes at Levi’s harsh and dictatorial tone, “ _You_ dragged me into this mess so you better show up, okay? And don’t blow yourself up for fuck’s sake.”

Moblit didn’t like the way he was talking to Hange _one_ bit. Sure, it was pretty annoying to have someone flake out on you, but you didn’t need to be an _asshole_ about it. Was Moblit disappointed at Hange for leaving him alone with this guy? Absolutely. He was more pissed off than anything. But he knew better than to blame her and make her feel bad about it. He may have only known Levi for a couple of minutes, at best ten, but he decided then and there that no matter how “good” this guy is — him talking to Hange like that, or to anyone for that matter, was _completely_ unacceptable. He felt the anger bubble in his stomach at the thought of him speaking to Hange that way every day. 

Levi gave her a couple more short responses before hanging up. “Tch.” he scoffed, glancing at his phone and shaking his head. Once he pocketed it, he met Moblit’s irritated gaze. “What are _you_ looking at?”

“You don’t have to talk to her that way,” Moblit sneered, his line of defense rising, “she’s just stressed with work. You have _no_ idea—“

“I know enough,” Levi cut off, carefully leaning forward, he spoke: “the way _we_ talk to each other doesn’t concern _you_. Mind your own damn business.”

“It _is_ my business because she’s my best friend,” Moblit huffed out, matter-of-factly. He leaned in as well, mimicking Levi’s movements, “And I won’t let some _asshole_ like _you_ talk to her like that, especially when it comes to her work. You have _no_ idea how much it matters to her.” 

“ _Of course_ I fucking know how much her work is important to her,” Levi emphasized, clearly offended, those gray eyes starting to catch fire, “and _what_ did you just call me?”

“An _asshole_ ,” Moblit responded, all hesitation now leaving his body. Who cares if he was Hange’s boyfriend? Or if he was some sort of notorious and dangerous person? The way he talked to waiters and women was _not_ okay and he deserved to be held accountable. “You _better_ not talk to her like that again.”

“For fuck’s sake, that’s how we normally talk to each other.” Levi growled, clenching his fists, “You have _no_ business snooping in another person’s relationship, even _if_ they’re your best friend.” Levi paused as if he just realized something. Moblit noticed how his fists clenched tighter by the second. He pulled back and crossed his legs, those gray eyes now holding a blazing emotion Moblit couldn’t exactly pinpoint. Whatever it was, it was worse than earlier. “Unless…” Levi started, scoffing, “ _I’m missing something here, Berner?_ ”

Moblit raised an eyebrow at that statement. “What the hell does _that_ mean?”

“ _Exactly_ what it means.” Levi spoke, each word coated in that dark emotion again, “Your job doesn’t exactly require you to be away from her now, does it?”

Moblit looked at him curiously, “And what the hell does _that_ have to do with anything?”

Before Levi could reply, Eren appeared with their drinks. 

“Black tea for you, Mr. Levi.” Eren placed the cup in front of him on the table. “And a vodka on the rocks for you, sir,” he said, placing a glass filled with alcohol in front of Moblit. 

“Thank you _,_ Eren,” Levi said, his eyes never leaving Moblit’s face. He glanced down at the drinks, his eyebrows scrunched together as if contemplating something. After a few seconds, he finally spoke up: “You know what? Why don’t you get vodka for me too? It’s gonna be a _long_ night.”

Eren’s eyes visibly widened. “Uhm,” he started, looking at Levi strangely, “Are you—”

“I’d like to order a bottle,” Moblit cut off, copying Levi’s movements. “If you would be so kind. _Thank you_ ,” he said, emphasizing the last words. 

Eren darted his eyes between the two men as silence suddenly enveloped them. Sensing the upcoming argument, he simply nodded and left as quickly as he came. 

“Look, man. I don’t want any trouble.” Moblit started, uncrossing his arms and grabbing his glass. “I just want what’s best for Hange and so you _better_ learn how to talk to her properly to her or there _will_ be damn consequences.”

Levi rolled his eyes, which further irritated Moblit even more. “That’s how we _always_ talk to each other, _Berner_ . It’s _our_ relationship. How _dare_ you think I would ever disrespect shitty glasses like that? You don’t know shit. Stop assuming. And what the hell? _Consequences? Really now?_ ”

Moblit wasn’t a hundred percent sure he could do anything consequential to the likes of Levi, but he sure as hell was going to _try_. “Who the hell talks like that to their girlfriends?” Moblit said, changing the topic, his eyes narrowed, not entirely convinced with Levi’s reasoning. 

“I don’t have _anything_ to prove to you. It’s _our_ relationship,” Levi huffed, taking a sip from his cup of tea. “As much as I _really_ want to fucking leave you alone right now, she said she’ll be here in an hour or so. So can you stop being a fucking snoop or shit while we wait?”

Levi broke off eye contact and looked at the twinkling city lights on the horizon. They fell into an uncomfortable silence once more as Moblit grabbed his glass and gulped it down in one go. Eren arrived and left a bottle of vodka which he placed in the middle of the table before eagerly disappearing again. He felt slightly guilty for going off on Levi like that, especially since he was the one who got him into the bar in the first place. But still, his rudeness was unnerving. Moblit also didn’t like how Levi implied something about his and Hange’s relationship. Sure, he had felt something for her before, but it had been _ages_ ago. She’s grown to become something more as a friend to him — family even. Besides, Moblit already spent way too much time with her. He loved Hange, but even _she_ could be too much for him sometimes. All he wanted was for her to be happy and treated well by anyone she goes out with because that’s what she deserves. Call him overbearing and all but he just wanted to protect his best friend. Especially since there were so many assholes out there these days. 

Assholes like Levi Ackerman. 

Before Moblit could indulge himself with another glass, his phone rang. 

He checked the caller ID and felt a sense of relief to see Hange’s name on the screen. He quickly answered and pressed the device against his ear, “Hey, Hange.”

This garnered the attention of Levi, who immediately looked at him with wide, yet narrowed eyes.

“Moblit!” she spoke exasperatedly, and he heard some shuffling noise in the background, “I know Levi is there with you, but I’m really sorry I’m going to be late! I swear, I was going to leave but then—” 

“You found where Sawney and Bean were hiding, didn’t you?” Moblit cut off. 

“Yeah! How did you know?”

He darted his eyes towards the sky before looking back down again, “You wouldn’t be staying back at the lab for any other reason.”

Hange chuckled nervously. “I saw Nana and the others cancel on us, man, I’m sorry! I swear, I’ll just be _really_ quick and I’ll get there.”

“It’s okay,” Moblit said softly, glancing at Levi who was glaring at him. He smirked a little bit before proceeding, “Take your time. I’ll still be here when you get off from work.”

“And Levi?” Hange asked expectantly, her voice going a little soft, “He’s all right? I feel really bad for dragging him out and being late and all.”

“He’s _fine_ . We’re _fine_.” Moblit lied, “Don’t worry about it, okay? Remember where their food is, and don’t forget to leave their cages locked this time.”

“Jeez,” Hange laughed, “You and shorty are _really_ starting to sound like each other these days. Anyway, I got it! I’ll see you guys in a few. Don’t have too much fun without me!”

Before Moblit could say anything more and ask about what she had meant, Hange hung up. 

“Is she still coming or what?” Levi scoffed, drinking his tea and finishing the cup in one go. 

“She will,” Moblit said, pouring himself another glass, “In a _few_. Which is going to be around thirty minutes to two hours.”

“I’d say she’d be here in three hours,” Levi rolled his eyes, “Are you willing to wait _that_ long?”

“I have nothing else to do.” Moblit answered immediately, taking another swing of vodka, “you can leave me alone here.”

“Not a chance,” Levi said, taking the bottle of vodka and pouring it in his now-empty teacup, “I have _all_ night,” he said before taking a huge gulp. 

“Good for you, then,” Moblit responded. They fell back into the uncomfortable silence as they finished the bottle. 

Levi glared at him, his cheeks turning a little red, “You don’t seem drunk.”

Moblit scoffed. “I know my way around alcohol. A bottle is _nothing_.”

“How about three then?” Levi challenged. 

He raised an eyebrow at the man in front of him. “Are you trying to prove something here?”

“Just curious as to how long the guy who dares to call me an asshole can last.”

Moblit swallowed. He did know his way around alcohol, but he didn’t like the challenging gaze Levi had on his face. “Fine,” Moblit said as Levi raised his hand and waved over Eren who quickly scurried back to their table. “You’re on.”

* * *

One would think that a guy like Levi Ackerman, with his leather jacket, intimidating aura, and steely gray eyes, would have a rather high alcohol tolerance. And so Moblit wasn’t expecting to see just how _tipsy_ he’s become after about five more glasses. His black hair was disheveled from the sweat that had accumulated, his eyes a little bloodshot, and his jacket laid discarded on the other side of the sofa. They ordered a couple of snacks from the bar, such as nachos and enchiladas, but they were mostly left untouched. He felt people drilling holes at the back of his head, but they kept their distance. He supposed it had something to do with his new _drinking_ _buddy_. Moblit had to admit, he didn’t think a guy like him would go along with this thing. But it really did seem like he had something he wanted to prove. They had only been doing this for an hour and thirty minutes at most. 

But Moblit wasn’t any different. Though he was accustomed to drinking ( _something Levi clearly wasn’t_ ), he couldn't deny the fact that his senses were off. He did hear his heart beating rapidly against his chest. _Huh_.

Before he could pour himself another glass, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He grabbed it with his aching hands and saw a message from none other than Hange herself. 

_I had another discovery, Moblit! OMG. Tell Levi I’m really sorry but I gotta check this out. It’ll take me thirty more minutes. See you guys! — Hange_

Moblit groaned and slammed his phone down on the table. He didn’t know if he could take this anymore. 

“Let me guess, she discovered some new bullshit again, didn’t she?” Levi said, stretching the last word. 

Moblit, as apprehensive as he still was, nodded in agreement, “I should have dragged her here when I left the lab. Now, _look_ at what happened.”

Levi slumped against his seat and started massaging his temples, “ _And why didn’t you?_ ”

“She said she was going to ‘follow soon’ after finishing up some paperwork,” Mobit rolled his eyes and finger-quoted. He reached out and took a nacho chip, finally getting some food in his system. 

“Please, she _always_ says shit she doesn’t mean,” Levi sputtered, his face getting a little redder with each passing second. He reached out and sloppily got some food as well, “Like how she keeps telling me ‘Oh Levi, I took a bath!’” Levi imitated her voice as he waved around his piece of nacho chip and stared at Moblit with wild eyes, “But every time I smell her, she _obviously_ _doesn’t_. Like how the fuck does her hair look all nice and soft and shit and _still_ smell like _actual shit_?”

Moblit couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. “That’s why I am so glad we have to wear masks at work sometimes. She used to go on _weeks_ without taking a bath, like, it got so damn bad to the point a couple of people asked to be transferred to a new department.” Moblit said, finally grabbing more food. He didn’t realize just how _hungry_ he was. “I leave little hints too! I’d say ‘Uh Hange, I think the test subjects need to be in a clean and objective environment or _something.’”_ Moblit imitated as well. 

“ _You?_ You _actually_ say shit like that to Hange?” Levi asked in disbelief, pointing a finger at him like a child. 

“I have a nose too! Have you ever sniffed someone who didn’t _bathe_ for _weeks_?” Moblit gasped, “It was _hell._ It didn’t help how dense she is and didn’t take the hint—”

“Ha!” Levi suddenly exclaimed, pounding his fist on the table, “Shitty glasses is _so fucking dense!_ We’ve been seeing each other for almost two months now and it only took her… what? Two weeks ago to figure out we were… _something?_ ” Levi scoffed as Moblit looked at him with wide eyes, “She gave me all this bullshit about being really good friends and shit.” He glared at Moblit, using his hands and arms expressively, “You don’t fucking make out with your _friend_ at a coffee shop parking lot! _Twice!_ ”

“ _Seriously?_ ” Moblit asked incredulously as Levi poured himself another glass and drank it, “She _never_ mentioned this to me.”

“Probably because she wanted to preserve _your_ friendship or something,” Levi muttered bitterly, only enough for Moblit to hear. “It’s all shitty four-eyes’ fault,” the small man droned out, leaning back against the chair. He groaned, rubbing his temple, “She kept… yapping about this night out and shit, and I just wanted to make her happy…

“She fucking means so much to me!” Levi exclaimed, slamming a hand back on the table. This garnered the attention of more people around them. Moblit suddenly started to feel a little embarrassed amongst other things. He supposed they weren’t going to get kicked out due to the nature of Levi’s influence, which still very much remained a mystery. He was also rather surprised at the things that were coming out of his mouth. He didn’t realize just how… _deep_ Levi and Hange’s relationship were. 

“She… fucking… means,” Levi glared, slapping his hand on the table again, “so much to me!” He glared at Moblit, “You’re just a jealous and shit cause you,” Levi coughed, “like her _too_.”

Moblit had been drinking another glass when Levi said that, and so of course, he really had no choice but to spit it out all over the table. “ _What?_ ”

Levi immediately stood up, which was a bad idea, considering he was far from being his normal self. “The fuck!” he exclaimed. He fell back into the chair ungracefully, “Yeah! You! You like her and shit… and I just… you always take care of her and I’m glad you do because she would be blown up by now…”

“‘Oh, Moblit! I discovered this thing!’” Moblit said, imitating Hange’s voice once again as he waved around his hands. Okay, perhaps he was drunker than he initially realized, “She’s always trying to blow herself up! And then she tries to test things without seeing if it was safe or not. Like who does that? Don’t you have a bloody Ph.D. or _something_? Like why do _I_ have to be the responsible one? How did you even get through _grad school?_ _What the hell_?”

“Exactly! It’s like I’m babysitting a _fucking_ child.” Levi rolled his eyes, which he probably shouldn’t have done since he looked like he was going to be sick. “Aren’t you supposed to be a genius? Top of the class at some fancy-ass university? Why the fuck do _I_ have to make sure you eat three meals a day and make sure you take a _fucking_ bath and wear all the proper clothes and shit? Like.... the fuck man?” He drank another glass. 

Moblit did the same as he nursed his glass, “It’s cause you care about her man,” he said, starting to feel a little emotional. What the hell was going on with him? “Cause she means a lot to you, right? And she means a lot to me too... but…”

“Okay!” Moblit suddenly exclaimed, feeling some of the tears build up behind his eyes, “She really helped me through college, man. I was in deep shit cause I didn’t have the motivation but she came in… and just helped me turn my life around? Like I don’t know how she did it, she was crazy let me tell you, I mean she still is… but she always pulled through for me. She means so fucking much to me, and _sure_ I had fucking feelings for her _ages_ ago, but I realized we were better off as friends. I mean, look at you, already having so much trouble. I just wanted her to be treated nice and all, especially since she dated a shit ton of assholes before you....”

Levi nodded as if he understood what it was like to have your life fucked up and saved by Hange Zoe. “So you… don’t like her and shit…?” Levi asked, his face a little guarded. 

“I fucking love her,” Moblit declared firmly, “but not that way.”

Levi looked as if a weight had been lifted from his chest. His shoulders relaxed a bit, and he actually looked rather calm and collected despite the obvious mess he harbored. “I swear, the way we talk is all bickering and shit… I would never…”

“No man, I understand that now,” Moblit cut off, feeling bad. Even though he didn’t get that whole communication they had, he could see how much Levi cared for Hange. “I was being pissy and snooty about it.”

Levi agreed, not even denying it. He absentmindedly drummed his fingers on his thigh, as if trying to figure out how to say his next words: “She’s lucky to have you, you know? Four-eyes _probably_ would have been rotting on the ground if it weren’t for you.”

“Well,” Moblit coughed, his head starting to feel heavy, “Thanks for making her take a bath. And you know… making her happy.”

Levi blinked. He leaned and looked at Moblit curiously, “I… do?”

“Man, she’s always _extra_ livelier at work these past couple of days.” Moblit explained, moving to the enchiladas and stuffing a bit to his face, “You can see it in her eyes and crap. They’re all extra... sparkly.”

Levi snorted and scratched the back of his neck. Moblit could have sworn his cheeks became even redder. “Man, when I saw her at that coffee shop, I wanted to stay away as _far_ as possible. She was so fucking loud and... _obnoxious_ _and_ _shit_. But she kept coming back and shit and I kept coming back too…”

“Love at first sight, huh?” Mobit scoffed. He _really_ needed to stop drinking. “I didn’t think you’d be the type of guy who’d be into that.”

Levi narrowed his bloodshot eyes at him, “And I didn’t think you’d be the kind of guy who could handle alcohol really well.” the small man spoke disbelievingly, “I thought you were some fucking nerd. But a quiet one.”

“Hey! being Hange Zoe’s _assistant_ is something that requires _weekly_ alcohol consumption.” Moblit droned out, “And here I thought you were some gangster or shit.” Moblit laughed nervously, hoping Levi would disprove it immediately. To his surprise, Levi didn’t. Instead, he nodded and shrugged. 

Moblit paled. So the rumors _were_ true. Damn it, he thought. He insulted Levi and had gotten him all pissed drunk. Just as he was starting to open up to him, _this_ happens. As he started to think about a possible escape plan (he needed to get an Uber or something since he was obviously in no place to drive himself, but his phone was dying and it was nearing midnight), Levi let out a small chortle. Moblit looked up and couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Throughout the night, Levi had kept an impassive face that had switched between anger and annoyance. He never imagined Levi would grace him with a small smirk. 

“Tch, you should have seen how constipated your face was, _Berner_.” Levi said amusedly, leaning to grab another glass, “You looked like you were... about to shit your pants.”

“Wait, so…” Moblit started, feeling a little dumbfounded. The alcohol wasn’t doing any help clearing his mind either, “You’re _not_ part of a gang or something illegal like that?”

“That’s fucking hilarious! The only thing I’m part of is this family business,” Levi said, waving to the place around them, much to Moblit’s confusion, “And if I _were_ a part of a gang, like those things at like aha… the TV and you know, movies… and shit fucking shit like that, I wouldn’t be telling _you_.” Levi said, emphasizing more words than the others. 

“So you _actually_ fucking own the place?!” Moblit cried out, waving his hands all around. So _that_ explained his whole connection with the bouncer and the waiter. He was their _boss_. Moblit couldn’t decide if this was worse or not. 

“Scream it louder for the whole city, Berner!” Levi said as he slammed his fist on the table, “Yeah idiots!” Levi screamed as he stood up, gaining dozens of eyes on him, “ _I fucking own the place!_ ”

“ _What_ _are you doing?_ ” a disbelieving voice suddenly asked. 

Moblit turned to see a young woman in all black — a black shirt, leather jacket, jeans, and boots. Her red scarf being the only pop of color on her body. She appeared out of nowhere right in front of their table, crossed her arms, and looked at Levi expectantly. She had the same steely gray eyes, raven hair, and stoicism Levi had but was much taller than the man himself. Levi squinted his eyes, peering at her curiously as if he didn’t recognize her. “ _Satan?_ ”

“What the—” she shifted her eyes to the bottles and untouched nachos on the table and finally to Moblit. After a few seconds, her lips turned into a small smirk. 

“I was going to reprimand you for talking shit to Eren again, but oh _wow_ , when he told me you were _actually_ drinking alcohol, I almost couldn’t believe him.” the woman said in disbelief, the smirk on her face becoming more apparent. Her voice was stiff and very straight-forward, but she harbored a sense of amusement as of the moment. She pulled out her phone and directed the camera towards Levi. “This is _gold_.”

“Oi! What the fuck do you think you’re doing, you _brat_!?” Levi sputtered out as he tried to grab the woman’s phone without much success. She raised her arm and suddenly Levi wasn’t the intimidating figure he once was. 

“Blackmail, _obviously_ ,” the woman rolled her eyes, “This is what you get for scaring Eren again, you boomer.” 

Levi fell back onto the sofa chair after multiple attempts and had no choice but to glare at the figure looming over them. He breathed in deeply as he massaged his temples once more. 

“What exactly did you do to my brother, and how can I make him do this again?” the woman coughed, turning her gaze towards Moblit. “This is the _first_ time in our _lives_ he’s _ever_ been _this_ drunk.”

Moblit hiccuped. Ah, he figured these two were related. The physical resemblance was almost uncanny, but not as much as their resemblance in personalities. “I just called him an asshole. Seemed to do the trick.”

The young woman narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head, “You’re kidding, right? No way,” she said incredulously, her phone still filming the sight in front of her, “I’ve been calling him that _all_ our lives. What the hell?”

“Oi! Mikasa! You better fucking stop that shit,” Levi sputtered, moving to stand up, but failing. “I don’t want Hange to… Hange...look at me like _this_.”

“Ohhhh, so this is all about Hange then,” the woman—Mikasa scoffed as she raised an eyebrow, “He’s been obsessed with her ever since they met. So that must mean…” she looked Moblit up and down, “you’re Moblit, aren’t you?” 

Moblit nodded. His eyes were starting to close. What was exactly going on again?

“He’s been so jealous of you, it’s _annoying_. He keeps muttering to himself how much he hates you cause you spend all that time with Hange and crap. And he thinks he’s not loud enough for us to hear him.” Mikasa rolled her eyes, “The boomer is fucking whipped.” 

“I can still hear you, satan,” Levi sneered, waving her away as if she could disappear, “ _I’m not fucking deaf._ ”

“Uh-huh,” Mikasa said, smirking at her phone screen. “This is what you get for _always_ crapping on me and Eren. Don’t worry, boomer,” Mikasa hummed, placing a hand on her hip, “I’m _sure_ Hange will _still_ like you and shit.”

As Levi mumbled curses after curses, it was then she darted her eyes toward the end of the bar. Her eyes widened as if she just had a brilliant idea. 

“You need some water or crap.” Mikasa declared. She raised her hand and waved once. Eren was once again by her side, a little calmer than before. 

“What are you doing?” he whispered-yelled, eyes wide. 

Mikasa grabbed his arm, pulled him close, and whispered something to his ear. Eren’s eyes widened even more as he pulled back. He gave her a crazy look that said _“really?”_

“No,” he coughed, backing away from her, “that’s a _horrible_ idea.”

“He’ll be _fine_ ,” Mikasa scoffed, giving him a pointed look, “he _won’t_ know.”

“Of course he _will_ , someone’s gonna post it on YouTube or something.” Eren argued, “Which is probably going to be _you_.”

“Have you seen him? He’s a fucking _boomer_.” Mikasa retorted, “He doesn’t know how to work that crap. Besides, it’s payback from that stunt he pulled with you last week.”

“I told you! It’s fine if he makes me work extra shifts! I need them anyway!” He darted his eyes back to Levi who seemed to be just staring into the space in front of him now. “I _really_ think this _isn’t_ a good idea, Mikasa.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t get in trouble. I’ll take the blame and he’ll probably be too hungover to remember anything.” Mikasa told Eren firmly, “It’s gonna be _great_.”

Eren hesitated for a couple of seconds before sighing and leaving. Moments later, he was back with two bottles of water. 

Mikasa took one bottle and handed him her phone and instructed him to keep pointing it at Levi. She carefully approached her older brother and kneeled in front of him, “Oi! Boomer! Drink up,” she said, throwing the item on his lap, “You don’t wanna look like a mess in front of Hange now, _do you?_ ” 

Levi eyed the bottle of water curiously before looking back up to Mikasa who now had a passive expression on her face, “What the fuck is this?”

“Water, obviously,” she rolled her eyes, “You blind now? You gotta drink that crap so you can start being sober. Isn’t Hange going to be here soon or something?”

Levi looked at Moblit who simply shrugged in return, “Can I have one too, by… by any chance…?”

Mikasa glanced at Eren for a quick second before handing Moblit the other bottle of water as well. “Sure.”

Before Moblit could even open the bottle, Levi was already drinking his. The moment he drank the first sip, he gagged. 

_This isn’t water_ , Mobit thought to himself, inspecting the bottle and sniffing it, _it was more alcohol_.

He didn’t even get a chance to warn or say anything to Levi as he had already finished the bottle. 

Moblit shrugged and finished the bottle as well. 

“Okay _boomer_ , let’s get you up.” Mikasa said slyly, placing a hand on her brother’s shoulder, “I think I see Hange over there at the far end of the corner.” She looked on over to Moblit as well, the smirk coming back to her face and deepening further. “Oh, this is going to be _amazing_.”

* * *

They were going to _kill_ her. 

Of course, her experiments with Sawney and Bean, their beautiful and lovely lab mice Hange had initially lost the day before, ran longer than expected. She couldn't help it — she felt extremely bad for losing them under her watch. She had finished around thirty minutes after her last message to Moblit, and she would have gotten to the bar much earlier if only her car’s battery hadn’t died on her. It was lucky she had charged her phone before she left the house today and was able to get an Uber. There weren’t any buses this late into the night anymore, which would have been a _huge_ problem. 

She was rather tired from today’s activities, but the thought of hanging out with at least Levi and Moblit had been enough to keep her awake. She was sad her other friends couldn't come, but at least those two had pulled through. 

On the car ride there, other than her thoughts of hanging out with her best friend and her boyfriend, she scrambled to think of an excuse on what to say to the latter. She had wanted Levi to meet her friends for so long so that maybe Levi could not only get out of his shell, but they could also possibly schedule more hangouts as a group. Levi only really hung out and worked in his family’s bar with his uncle and his little sister. Hange didn’t want the others to know he was the owner out of fear of her friends possibly freeloading and putting him in an awkward position. Which was why she just omitted that little detail when she called for everyone to get drinks. Levi had been hesitant to go forward with the meeting but had agreed anyway, which made her feel incredibly guilty about being the one late. 

She also wondered just how well he was getting along with Moblit. Though, she was pretty confident things were going to be, or they already were, awkward between the two. Another thing to add to her guilt list. 

_Hopefully_ , she thought as the car stopped in front of her destination, _her scolding wouldn’t be too bad. From either of them._

She paid the driver and got off and scanned the long lines in front of her. Normally, she would have waited in line like any other normal person out of respect, but she was already running late. Mumbling apologies, she headed straight to the entrance where Reiner stood. 

“Oh! Hange! You’re finally here!” the blonde exclaimed, his face lighting up at the sight of her, “The boss already went in with another guy a couple of hours ago. I heard it was _pretty_ crazy up there.”

“Hi, Reiner!” Hange smiled warmly, “Yeah, I had been too preoccupied at the lab and almost lost track of time! I’m here now, though, so hopefully Levi won’t scold me too much.” she said sheepishly. 

Reiner instantly stepped away to let her in, “I’m sure he won’t be too angry with you. You _are_ his number one after all.” which made Hange blush and look down on the pavement, “Have fun!”

Hange gave him another smile before hurriedly making her way inside and up the stairs. She almost tripped a couple of times but had managed not to. Throwing open the doors to the rooftop, she panted, eyes searching for the two. Knowing Levi, he would be in his usual secluded spot by the very back. However, she was surprised to see how virtually empty that side was. She then directed her gaze towards the other side to the small stage where a comedy act was usually situated at. Her eyes then widened at the sight in front of her, and she had to do a double-take to make sure what she was seeing was _real_ and not a figment of her imagination. 

_“There were moments of gold and there were flashes of light!”_ Moblit screamed with his eyes closed. His hair and his button-up shirt were a certified mess. He threw an arm around… _Levi?_

 _“There were things I'd never do again!”_ Levi, the normally quiet, stoic, and clean person screamed into the microphone he held as he wrapped a free arm around Moblit’s waist, leaning towards him. His eyes were also closed, his normally tidy and neat hair a disheveled mess covered in sweat. _“But then they'd always seemed right!”_

 _“There were nights of endless pleasure!”_ Moblit sang in an extremely ridiculous high note which made Hange visibly cringe. The crowd that had formed in front of them, however, thought otherwise and all started cheering him on and clapping, _“It was more than any laws allow!”_ Moblit dipped a little backward at that last note. 

_“Baby, baby!”_ they both screamed as they let go and proceeded to face one another. 

“ _If I kiss you like this,_ ” Levi said, placing a hand on Moblit’s neck as he opened his bloodshot eyes. Yes, he was absolutely _wasted._

_“And if you whisper like that,”_ Moblit sang affectionately as he cupped Levi’s cheek. The crowd gave another holler at the action. 

“ _It was lost long ago!”_ they sang together, holding onto one another for dear life, _“But it's all coming back to me!”_

 _“If you want me like this,”_ Levi whispered almost… seductively? That’s it. Hange must be dreaming. There was _no way_ in hell _this_ was happening. What was worse was how _both_ men knew each line of that Celine Dion song and had it memorized. She stood frozen in her spot, unmoving, not knowing whether she should laugh, cry, or take out her phone to record first. 

_“And if you need me like that,”_ Moblit yelled, pulling Levi close to him once again. The shorter man wobbled and held onto him for support, _“It was dead long ago!”_

 _“But it's all coming back to me!”_ they screamed together before tumbling down. The crowd gasped and laughed at the sight in front of them. The instrumental music kept playing as Hange heard a wretched puking noise. The crowd all collectively groaned in disgust and dispersed, enabling Hange to get a better view of the fallen men. 

_What the actual fuck._

They _both_ had puked their guts out, and so they were _both_ covered in chunky pools of vomit. Moblit had passed out immediately, his arm still wrapped around Levi’s. The smaller man’s eyes were lidded and bloodshot, trails of vomit still leaking down from his chin. He looked around, confused, before screaming: “Oi! Four eyes! It’s no funty!” he groaned, attempting to wipe away the vomit from his chin but instead spreading it even more, _“The brat said you were here already! Show perself! I just want to be with youuuuu!”_

Hange’s mouth fell open. The shock she felt was even bigger than the comedy of the situation, and she had to slap herself to make sure _all_ of this was real. How did they even get to this point? How in the world had _Levi_ allowed himself to get to this point? He didn’t even drink, with tea being his go-to beverage. His uncle was the alcohol guy. And Moblit, calm and normally shy Moblit, how the hell did he get to this? Hange knew he was accustomed to drinking, so he had an incredibly high alcohol tolerance. So for him to get _wasted_ like this must have taken a hideous amount of alcohol consumption. Which meant that whatever Moblit had drunk Levi had as well. 

“Ah, you’re finally here,” Mikasa appeared next to her, holding up her phone and recording the entire… situation. Hange gaped at her, still dumbfounded at the sight in front of them. Mikasa gave a deep breath, obviously trying to hold in her laughter, “They’ve been quite lonely without you.”

“What. The. Hell. Happened?” Hange asked, appalled. She was so damn close to breaking down in tears. Both good and bad. 

At the last word, Levi let out a large groan and exclaimed, _“Hangeeee if you don’t come back here with your shitty ass glassesssss I’m gonna dump you and date Berner insteaddddd!”_ he slurred, punching the air and then passing out next to Moblit, right on the pool of vomit they created together. 

“Oh wow, the boomer is gonna replace you after just _one_ night with another guy? What a joke.” Mikasa scoffed, fiddling with her scarf and shaking a little bit from quiet laughter. “I don’t think they’ll be waking up anytime soon.”

It was quiet for a few seconds as some of the staff started to clean up the mess, only leaving the bodies untouched before the shock finally left her body and Hange found her voice: “You gave them Spirytus Vodka mixed with rum, didn’t you?”

“Yep.”

“And you recorded the entire thing?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And you know what my email address is?”

“Yes. I’ll also send you the YouTube link later tonight.”

“You _know_ he’s going to come after you, right?”

“But I have you as a backup.”

“Touche.”

“Can you run me through the story of _how_ they ended up like this?” Hange asked, looping her arm with the younger Ackerman. 

“Sure,” Mikasa said, turning off her recording and leading Hange to the bar. “Pina Colada?”

“And some cheesy fries.”

Hange didn’t need to worry about those two. There’d be enough pictures and videos about them tomorrow on social media. Though, she _was_ rather worried at the prospect of her best friend stealing her boyfriend from her. Now _that_ would be a really difficult situation. 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you guys have a great declaration of war weekend <3


End file.
